Walking in Another's Shoes

© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

When I think of walking in another person's shoes, I think of a call to compassion. To walk in their shoes is to try to imagine what it is like to see the world from their perspective.

Yesterday, I was talking with a coaching client and I had another take on that phrase. I was walking in her shoes, not only seeing and understanding her perspective, but realizing that I knew it so well because her shoes were ones I had painfully outgrown. I realized the difficulties inherent in attempting to help her see what I can see from the this vantage point to which my new shoes have taken me. And, to do so so that she could consider and choose to outgrow her current ones. I guess that's what my coaching is:

• It is helping clients to identify their destination clearly, not from old sotires, other people's expectations or enticing marketing messages, but from the deepest desires of their hearts to make a unique contribution to the world.
  
  
• It is walking with them until they see their unique destination with clarity and they identify it, and identify with it, as theirs.
  


• It is helping them to draw a map that takes them through the necessary territory to reach their goal, while simultaneously teaching them map-building skills that avoid winding detours and tempting parking places.
  


• It is sharing from my own journey to remember the humanity involved. None of us knows much until we have experienced it, learned from it, and moved forwards.
  
  
• It is walking at a pace just in front of them to make the path safe, but never too far ahead that they feel they cannot catch up.
  


• It is the willingness to shed light on dark places that may cause clients to hide their eyes and want to retreat into familiar places that have not brought them what they want, but, they are at least that, familiar. There are times when neither the familiar, nor the new, feel safe--and that has to be OK in order to grow.
  
  
• It is risking telling the truth as I see it: refusing to turn the light off and insisting they open their eyes. This is not always a comfortable time for either of us.

So, one thing I know: walking in another's shoes can be an uncomfortable experience. It can be painful, risky, and frustrating. It also can remind me that everything I offer to my clients is learning I must remember myself. Coaching has great value for both of us.

We must keep walking together.

I wish you well.
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Psychologist. Consultant. Coach.
...leading you to the life and livehood that fulfills and supports you.
http://www.forwomenentrepreneurs.com/
Escondido, CA
760.735.8686